hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
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