like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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