Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
