They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
