He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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