woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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