I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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