Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
