Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
