Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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