I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
