I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
