Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
