Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
