Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
