please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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