Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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