I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
