So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
