She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
