I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
