4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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