I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
