***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Liz is crying about burritos again.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
