your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
