Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
