My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
