just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
