I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
