Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
