His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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