none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
