I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
