you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
