She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
