The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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