I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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