You can't motorboat a personality
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
