HIV tests are more positive than that guy
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
