using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
