New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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