he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
