there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
