i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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