we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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