Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
