Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
