last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
