Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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