he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
