So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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